As you all know, I, Fudge, am a spectacularly handsome, virile, talented and charming guy. Now I've been trying to decide how to best display my talents and I have come up with the perfect venue.
Since Oprah left her show, there has been a rather large gap in entertainment. I, Deerpark's Chocolate Legacy RN, am just the person to fill that gap, though I'm not as large. Here's my plan.
I feel that I should have my own TV show. I Fudge the Magnificent, would, of course, be the host. I could display my talents such as singing and dancing, my skills in the kitchen and my Rally moves, which are pretty neat if I do say so myself.
I would have wonderful co-hosts, too. My friend and Super Diva, Sissy could help introduce new talents while instructing the world on manipulating peeps and caring for our eyes in this bright summer sun.
My mate Samba would have a health advice segment because she's had so many health problems. She can speak from personal experience.
Thor and Thunder would join us to discuss great literature.
The world famous Mango would both entertain and instruct in the latest dance moves.
Ciara would join Bailey in our gardening segment.
For those of you with an eye for fashion, Lorenza would showcase the latest designs for the long, lean ladies and Gretchen could handle the stylish wear for the petite ladies.
I would have Dexter, the Labradude do an exercise segment. He's a very fit fellow. Some of my own pack could assist him and give swimming instructions.
Phantom and Tsar could give diet advice for those who want to drop a few pounds.
Thor and Ziggy could do a high tech segment.
I would interview celebrities such as Bo Obama, Eddie from Frasier, Snoopy and others.
We would celebrate all existing holidays and even come up with some new ones.
So you get the idea, right? Don't you think this is perfect for me? But it doesn't end there. Oprah has her magazine "O", with a picture of herself on the cover every month.
I would need my own magazine with a big picture of me, Fudge, on the cover every month. I think I would call it "FUDGE" or maybe just "FU".
Well, there you have it, my grand plan. What do you all think? Will you help me convince Mom that I am ready for prime time?