Hello all you internet dogs and cats. I'm Tsar and I was just judged to be the best 'Cat-Dog' of 2010 at the great MangoMinster.
I am a cat trapped in a rather large dog's body and therefore I can represent both species.
I live with nine other dogs, eight of them are crazy Portuguese Water Dogs. Those guys run in circles and jump up in the air and they even dive into water. No self respecting cat would behave like that.
I find a sunny spot to stretch out and there I remain for hours. If someone speaks to me I ignore them, don't even raise my head. If Mom speaks directly to me, I answer with one thump of the tail, no more. Those Water Dogs jump up and start spinning. What's with that spinning anyway?
In the yard, call the dogs and they race up the hill to see who called them. I turn my back and sit down. Sometimes, I'll throw a glance over my shoulder, so they know I heard them.
The other dogs see an invader in the yard and they start barking and racing around. I drop into a crouch and slowly creep up on the bird, squirrel or mole and surprise it from behind. That's why I've caught them and the noisy dogs haven't. Then I toss it around for a while before walking away and leaving it for Mom to find. She loves that.
Dinner time is crazy around here with ten dogs. The others inhale their food. It's gone in seconds. I wait for those ruffians to be finished, then I sniff my dinner. Sometimes I'll simply walk away. It drives the other dogs crazy. When I decide to eat, I pick up one piece of kibble at a time and chew it thoroughly. Dad counted one day and says I chew each piece 18 times. While I chew, I observe the world around me. I'll look out the window or watch TV, or sometimes, just to drive everyone crazy, I'll stare up at the ceiling. It makes them all look up. It takes quite a while to eat and those silly Water Dogs sit there drooling while they wait for me to finish. Then I always leave two or three pieces in the bowl to show my disdain.
Mom says that I have an opportunity with this win to bring the species closer. Sheesh, Mom, you might as well ask for world peace.
Thank you to all who voted for me and to Judge Khyra who saw my inner cat and to the other contestants. Thank you Mango for sponsoring this great event. I'll do my best to represent all the internet cats and dogs in the coming year.