You all know what a superior dog I am. I'm handsome and smart and tremendously popular with the ladies. Why would anyone want another dog when they have me?
As everyone knows, Mom and I went to school together. She wanted me to learn the million and three commandments. See that green bag tied to her waist? That's my special school treat bag.
See how I'm watching Mom very closely? That's one of the million and eight commandments, keep your eyes on Mom for any signals.
I did great in class. I paid very close attention to Mom and listened to everything she said.
See how intently I'm watching her?
Here I'm performing a perfect example of the commandments down and stay. These are hard ones for ordinary dogs, but obviously they were a breeze for someone as smart as me. When we finished learning all the million and eleven commandments Mom and I went to some competitions and showed some judges how smart I was.
The judges recognized my superior intellect and ability. They saw how well I had learned the million and seventeen commandments and awarded me these ribbons which made Mom very happy.
Well, here's the problem. In one word....
.....Noah!! Mom has started teaching Noah the million and twenty seven commandments. Can you believe it???
I saw Mom get out my school bag and I got all excited. I thought we were going to go off by ourselves and practice the million and thirty two commandments, but instead she took Noah.
She even let that little creep use my special treat bag and my blue school leash.
Noah... that little dork that was only about the size of a quarter pounder when he was born. I suspected he wasn't even my kid till the DNA test came back. He can't do anything.
I'm the one that can sing and dance and jump higher than anyone else. Noah doesn't jump at all.
I'm the one who brings the ball back when Mom throws it, not Noah. I'm the one who jumps in her lap every night, no matter what she's doing and tells her that she's a great Mom. Noah just puts his head on her knee and looks stupid.
I'm the one that models her silly clothes, not Noah.
I'm the one who lets her put dumb hats on me, not Noah.
I even let her take a picture of me right out of the bathtub, not Noah.
Noah just wanders around with Mom and stands behind her for protection when things get too rough. What a wimp!!
So I ask you, do you think it's fair for my Mom to teach Noah the million and forty four commandments, when she has me around, ready and able to do them?
Look at that sad sack. Do you really think that guy is capable of going in front of judges and demonstrating the million and sixty two commandments and getting ribbons to make Mom smile?
So, there you have it. My Mom doesn't appreciate the treasure she has in me.
Mom said I could use the blog as long as I reminded everyone about bandana day. Wrap your pet in something red and send us the picture. June 10 will be here quicker than you think.
24 comments:
oh Fudge, you are definitely a victim of dog abuse. although we have to admit that Noah is pretty darn cute too. but not as cute as you, the Great Fudge, Winner of Many Colorful Ribbons and Conquerer of a Million and Ninety Nine Commandments. we think your mom just needs another challenge. you're too easy for her. and we heard that you really like the ladies - well, kiddo, here's a news alert for you. the ladies LOVE YOU! you are one handsome dude!
that quarter pounder photo of little Noah is very cute, in a mcdonalds kind of way.
does your mom breed your porties? our mom LOVES you dogs - almost as much as us poodles.
we are not forgetting about our red bandanas. our mom is just lazy, busy (so she claims) and distracted. humans have such feeble minds and can't multitask at all, like us dogs can. we really really really really want to do the red bandanas, so WE WILL - without her help if we have to.
woofs.
Whew, I was afraid I lost you forever. I do have some pics of my Annie and Kia in their red bandana's. However, getting both of them to look at the camera at the same time is quite a feat that I may not accomplish!
After seeing pics, I think I'm gonna try and talk my mom into getting a P. Waterdog!! Toooooo cute!!
Fudge, you know Mom still loves you so much. She just wants a chance to see if she still has what it takes to be a good teacher with one like Noah.
Woos - Phantom, Thunder, and Ciara
Your Mom is wrong, wrong, wrong. She should be doing fun stuff with you before your forget any of the million and a thousand commandments.
I am quite sure she will find Noah a total loss.
Yours,
Stella
Dear Fudge,
Your Mommy loves you so much that she wants you to rest a bit, and also I think you can help train your son to learn those commandments. You are very handsome and amazing. If you feel left out, you can come stay here a while. I'm missing a big brother, and I'd love to have you here for a while. Only to make your Mommy realize how much she missed you. Mommy says that I will be getting a baby brother soon, so you wouldn't have a long time to stay. Well, let me know.
Sally Ann
I'm new to your blog, so I'm not sure I should comment on a family issue, but I'm also kind of a busybody, so I will comment anyway. On the one paw, Noah seems to need to learn some of those commandments and stuff. He probably won't every learn as many as you or anything, but going by your description he could use some help. On the other paw, we think he should get his own treat bag and other special equipment. Plus, you should get a treat every time he gets taken to class. How's that sound?
wags, Lola
You need to take a lesson from the humans here. When Noah learns his commandments and does a good job, you get to say "That's my boy Noah - so smart just like me!" So more for you to take credit for!
Fudge, this is a shocking post! We believe you are the only dog in the world who could learn the Million and Ninety Nine Commandments.
Noah is cute but he is never going to be as smart as you so try not to worry.
We agree your mom should show you more respect but let her learn the hard way!
She will soon realise that you are a dog in a million.
love and kisses
Martha and Bailey xxx
Hi Fudge,
I can understand your pain beclaws sometimes I get super jealous of my cats who are small enough to sit in my parents lap and I can't do that beclaws I'm a tall coonhound. Sometimes when my parents walk me with another dog they'll get all googly eyed over the other dog and say "good boy" or "good girl" to them and I wonder why they aren't going kookoo over me!
Sometimes parents have to "spread their love around" and not just spend every minute with just one furry pet, you know. I am sure your mom loves you very, very much so just remember that!
Daisy the Coonhound
Well, Fudge, wouldn't you like your kid to learn the million and 47 commands, so you can say, "Yep, that's my kid. Chip off the old block. Does those million and 53 things without complaint." And Moms aren't allowed to have favorites, or your Mom would probably have no choice but to favor you. So no complaints there, friend, just be prepared to say, "Yep, that's my kid. Learned those million and 56 things right off the bat!"
Life can be sooooo unfair at times. She could have at least got him his own stuff. But, stand back and take credit if, by some miracle, he does well. (And blame his mother if he doesn't.) Win-win. We're sure your Mum knows you're the best.
We hope our bandana picture came through to you. We have so much stuff floating in cyberspace it's a wonder it doesn't bring down spacecraft.
XXXOOO Daisy, Kendra & Bella
PeeS: I posed beautifully for every picture. It was those other two who made us have so many retakes.
You know you're the best, Fudge, so let Noah get his chance to be almost the best! Those ribbons are sure pretty!
Love ya lots,
Maggie and Mitch
Actually it is very hard to be an alpha dog unless you have other dogs to do your bidding. And being an alpha dog is great!!
Misty the alpha Poodle
I am so glad I found your blog! I am awarding you the Versatile Blogger award. Please see details at my post:
http://yodaheltman.blogspot.com/2010/05/thanks-for-awards.html
Poor Fudge you are so neglected... not! What a fun post Sue. It gave me a good laugh!
x
Oh Fudge, don't be so worried. Your mom just wants to give Noah a chance. About bandanas, I'll call mom for a talk.
hugs,
Thor
Oh Fudge - you can come live with me anytime you want. I'll love and appreciate you.
Glad you reminded us about the red bandanas. g
Giggle... Dearest, darling Fudge... I have already suggested that your mom get Noah his own stuff, in different colors and prints even, so there's no confusion. But I'm afraid that's where we part ways. Noah is your son, so he is smart and handsome too. Imagine how you can brag when you AND your son both have ribbons and awards!
LOL Fudge... it's okay, Mom will still be VERY good to you, we're all sure! But I'm with Chan and think she should at least get Noah his own stuff for school... I mean, hand-me-down school supplies are just not "in" right now..... :)
Dear Fudge,
Would you believe my mom did the same thing when I got my Championship? she left me home and takes that twerp Hazel, a Wanda kid, to the shows. Here I sit, just laying on the couch, feet up in the air, enjoying the cool air.
Love,
Spot
Poor, neglected Fudge. I'll call the ASPCA for you.... as soon as I finish laughing!
Oh, Fudge! I forgot to tell you that we would be handing out awards this morning so maybe if you visit our bloggie you'll feel much happier than you were the last time I checked in. We gave you an award! Yeah! It was our way of thanking you for being such loyal blogger pals when we first started blogging!
First, I am so sorry that your sweetheart is so ill. Please know that you will be in my thoughts.
Now, on to Noah. Tell that little dude he can pack his bags and come here to live with me. He's a cutie-patootie for sure!
Oh man Fudge, you sound worse than JUNO! she hates it when I train Loki. she scowls the entire time. and when it's her turn she jumps for joy and performs like a German Shepherd doggie in a siberian suit. she shows him. i guess the ONLY thing you can do is to scowl so you get equal time at home and mom can teach you more than down, sit, stay, come... that way you learn more than a trillion tricks and keep outdoing Noah...
sigh... i swear i will NEVFUR have more than one dog EVFUR again (ya right)...
nice job on those ribbons!
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