Monday, December 10, 2012

Finding One's Voice

This weekend Mango Momma wrote about the difficulty she's having finding Dexter's voice. I read it and understood just how she's feeling. I'm having a similar issue.

I've been finding it difficult to post to the blog lately. When I sit down at the keyboard I feel overwhelmed with sadness. I miss Samba here at my feet and Sky next to me sleeping with his feet in the air. I read blogs every day, but when I try to comment I can't find the words.

Sometimes when I find it hard to post, I use Fudge to help get thru the block. Although I've occasionally used the other dogs, I find Fudge's voice the easiest. Fudge is sort of wild and brash and I feel freer using his voice. He can be irreverent and say more obnoxious things than I would feel comfortable saying in my own voice. On him, it's funny, on me it would just be obnoxious.

But this weekend I made a sad discovery. Once Fudge's eye was healed and he was out of the cone of shame, I took him onto the deck to pose for Christmas pictures for our cards. He sat in the chair and I put the Santa hat on his head. Then I shot several photos. When I downloaded them I was shocked to see how very sad he looked in every shot.
Then it hit me that while I was grieving for my loss, the dogs are all grieving, too. Fudge lost his mate and his best buddy and it shows on his sad little face.
I'm trying to be more attentive to their feelings and to help them thru this feeling of loss that they're experiencing.
We'll get thru this together, but I must remember that I'm not the only one in pain just now.


Nichole said...

:( Dogs certainly do feel the sadness and grieve with the rest of us... and boy does he indeed look so sad there. Hugs to Fudge... and to you and everyone there!

Two French Bulldogs said...

It must be so difficult. Mom looks at us and she says she can't imagine when we're not around anymore. We tell her memories mom, memories
Benny & Lily

rottrover said...

Ruby and Bart were SO sad for a while after Gizmo went to the bridge. They got over it before I did. I had a very hard time blogging after we lost him, though, as I told MM. Sending hugs to Fudge and the rest of the pack; and of curse to you.

gMarie said...

I wish I had words for you. I know we've talked and Beau had a much easier time with Lucy's passing than Abby had with Dudley's and that's in a huge part because Lucy passed at home. It's amazing to me how the smallest things bring a huge memory. Yesterday as I was sewing and looking for elastic - I found a package that Lucy had eaten at some point to 'teach me a lesson.' I'll most likely never use that elastic now, but will just fondly remember Lucy when I see it. Hugs to you all. g

scotsmad said...

Poor Fudge. We understand. We looked for Kendra when she went to the bridge.

XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

Anonymous said...

It's true. They grieve terribly. Years ago when my male lab/springer mix died from old age, his sweetie pie, a much younger female yellow lab, nearly died from a fever she contracted within a week of Zeke's passing. She had been depressed prior to getting sick. After she recovered she was a different dog. Still wonderful, but all the wild Lab puppyiness gone out of her.

Losing that special companionship is the hardest part, I always felt. Take your time. Be with your pups and let yourself heal.


Nanina and Poppy

Anonymous said...

Tell Fudge and the gang we are sending all the doggie hugs we can. Shadow went through that when her buddy Stoney the Huskie past away. But once that ding dong Bites came along she was back to being a Tater, then I tuned her into being my Mom. Give everybody time to find their new pal and stuff will return to doggie normal.

Your Pals
Susie & Bites & Shadow

Casey said...

Awww. Hugs and boxer kisses to all of you. It's so hard getting through the loss of a good furiend. :(

SissySees said...

Thanks for sharing that with us. You're not alone - not you, not Fudge, none of you! You were so good to us when we were grieving, when we were snowed under. I wish I could bring Sissy over to cheer everyone up! Gg would just want to press close and try to lick you or Rob in the face (or mouth, if you must know)...

Life with Wrigs said...

You all have much to grieve and it takes time. Sending hugs for you and pats for Fudge and the rest of the gang.

Susan and Wrigs

Sam said...

Sending you hugs. I wish we could do something for you.


Mitch and Molly said...

Hugs to you, Fudge. I understand.

Love ya lots,

charlie girl said...

We've all shared your pain. Snuggle Fudge and all the pups, it makes everyone feel good.

Monty, Penelope and Clyde the cat.

Dexter said...

Oh Fudge, that reminds me of Mango when his Raja made her final journey. Even though Mango was a healthy, young dog, he just moped around the house and didn't want to do anything. Some dogs get so attached to each other. I hope that you will all find your way in the new pack and have a much better year in 2013 than 2012.

Mango Momma

Mr. Pip said...

Fudge's eyes really say so much ...I am sorry you are both so sad. When we came home after putting our cat Otis down last year, our cat Rosie went into his empty carrier and refused to come out. It was SO SAD. She missed him as much as we did.

♥♥♥ The OP Pack ♥♥♥ said...

we saw this same look with Phantom when we lost Dakota. It just takes time. And of course, there is always the chance that Fudge is sad because he knows YOU are sad too. Together you will all work it out and find your voices together.

Hugs and Woos - Phantom, Thunder, Ciara, and Lightning

Jo's World said...

Sue, you can delete this without
publishing it. I really have some second thoughts about it, but feel too that somehow this should be said.

This whole illness of the dogs, from beginning to end, was one of the most terrible things I have ever seen. With a caring Vet on board, Sue and Rob, made trip after trip to try and get help. The diahrrea and vomiting, endless cleanup.

The help was once a terrible concoction of excrement with good bacteria, other times food that the dogs didn't want, couldn't eat and Sue had to force feed. I think it will just take many months to get over what this was and how it affected the parents and the dogs, and then losing two most beloved members of the pack to it. No one is going to get over this with speed. It will take some months of a regular life and loving to overcome it. Because for one thing, no one wants to talk about this, right?

My thoughts are always with you.

Jo, Stella and Zkhat

Casey said...

OMD, guys, I had no idea we were cousins! That's totally pawesome. :D Legacy is a grreat family to be a part of.

Tammy said...

That about broke my heart. My thoughts are with all of you. It's hard to deal with ones own pain and loss and to see it reflected in the eyes of the rest of the 'pack' just makes it all the more hard.


Soggibottom said...

Ah... xxx